Amongst other things, I have been rewriting the ever elusive novel everyone seems to have locked in the closet or misplaced on c: drive somewhere....
Here a sneek excerpt -
Today, quite unlike any other day the sky was a gigantic TV screen in blue and white. And on the screen the show was the most pleasurable vision I had ever known.
As I walked down these old streets of Fremantle, my body felt more lucid then a well oiled Formula One Racing car. Inside I was revving just as powerfully. I billowed energy, leaving psychedelic streaks like petrol spills all over the pavement, walls and sides of cars. Nothing was excused from my blazing trail. I walked, connected to land and sea and sky above. They all channelled through me, punched through me simultaneously. Suddenly, dropping down to the concrete footpath. I was halted abruptly before a line of all-powerful ants. Carving an ant river far below me. I looked at them way down as if I stood at the top of a water filled canyon. Drawn to the pavement I fell far. Like I leaped off the cliff edge to my hands and knees. Once below my eyes lids closed tight gripping to each other. The side of my face grated against the pavement. My eyes held on even tighter. The feeling was like my eyes imploding. Gripping so tight that the lids started to implode. I was trapped with the need to rub and scratch and gouge my way into the pavement. The deepest irritability imaginable ripping my skin tissue to shreds felt like a very long and well endowed orgasm. On reflection, I had seen the sort in some seventies porno movie. Did they really feel them like that? If they do, I think I'm missing out.
"Lee!" Liz was concerned. She was reminding me that gravel burn hurts.
I opened my eyes and stared up close into the running rapids of ants. To my shock, they all turned around at once, reared on their back legs and saluted me, every single one of them. I had no choice but to salute them back. When in Rome do as the Romans. Then some of them broke line and went on their merry ant like way. While others stood very still giving me a direct eye off. A Mexican stand off. Tense, full eye contact, unbroken concentration, no blinking. I wasn't sure if I'd bitten off more then I could chew. I mean I wasn't sure if ants had eyelids or not and my eyes were throbbing, seething water from the implosion. Today though, lucky I felt very capable. Unless they started throwing granules of sand in my eyes I wasn't giving in. I was getting sucked into the soul of these ants. I could feel my whole being pulling towards them. Or maybe it was my inner being, my golden lifeline, sifting through the eyes of these hard working fellers. My inner being and my outer were indistinguishable. I resisted their pull whole-heartedly. Though, I liked these tiny little plastic black fellers. But I didn't want to give my soul to them. Finally a faint glimmer in their eyes said they seemed to let off. As if we both recognised we were a spiritual match. Their attitudes changed. Less of a confrontation. They seemed to be inquiring about how I was feeling and I was wondering the same thing about them.
Novels need to be written quick or at least all in one go, they get feral pretty quickly if left alone to vegetate unchecked.
Aren't relationships wonderful things!
Especially those of the sexual kind.
To make them work, it's not really that hard, assuming you pick a lowish maintenance lover, that is!
High maintenance lovers mean just that, loads of work, ton's of maintaining, heaps of stress and effort.
Some people, most people just can't be bothered.
There is sometimes stuff to gain from that hard work, tryingly difficult and demanding lover.
We can learn loads about ourselves when someone loves us enough to tell us what they think of us.
None of us are perfect.
We're all really quite different, with some similarities between us.
There is an element of having to take the good with the bad or we could decide to shack up with someone conflict and fairly trouble free.
Perhaps this dream person might also be empathetic, considerate, funny, wise, successful, ambitious, have heaps of lovely friends and are also genuine, intelligent, sexy, brave, confident, independent and god forbid full of loyalty and integrity!
Wow how's that for a mix? As if...
Yet perhaps possible...
At least in writing.
But if their not all that, (and if they are then we better hope that we are too or heart break will surely follow), there are insights to gain from the intimacies of romance.
The pendulum of acquiring real trust in a Sydney where there is so many options and partners’ are drunk and socializing oh so very often and therefore of course, being hit on by members of the opposite sex is difficult for so many…
I'm thinking there is even more to the mix then simply knowing oneself impeccably, and as if that isn't a difficult enough task at the best of times. But after these things we do with different kinds of people on their different journeys are over, if we've lucky, we can always look back and smile a gentle smile about what went wrong and why and how and with who etc and quietly remark to ourselves about the new mix of human characteristics we have just discovered in our newly made ex or perhaps we can simply choke bitter angry tears for evermore hoping that they soon drop off the face of the planet and put it all to the back of our mind stored under, "I simply haven't got the time to give a toss!" As we walk over to the bar and offer the spunk in reading glasses a drink. And lets see if we can do it better this time...